Tena Lady and Tesco's

For those of you that don't know me let me paint you a picture. I wish I was elegant, graceful, ladylike, tall, blonde, slender, a perfect housewife, creative, and good with my hands. What I actually am is short, dark, round, clumsy and ever so slightly kooky. You see 'stuff' happens to me. Take Thursday for instance.

I guess I should set up the scene. I suffer from hay fever. I also suffer from slackened 'down below' muscles after having 2 children, nothing unusual there I hear you cry. No jumping on trampolines for me and certainly during hay fever season one sneeze too many and it's simply impossible to clench and sneeze at the same time - have you ever tried it? I got fed up getting damp so mum suggested Tena Lady.

Thursday I had an appointment at the dentist followed by a visit to Tesco's followed by a visit to my mums. When I left the house my tena lady was 'in situ' as it were. When I arrived at my mums it was missing! I checked my trouser legs, I checked the car, I even checked down my pop sock but nope, nada, nothing - GONE!

This means that either upon leaving my dentists or in aisle 4 of Tesco's my tena lady has come out of my trouser leg and deposited itself on the floor. Supposing someone saw it slide, how do you tap them on the shoulder and say "excuse me I think you've dropped something", it's not like a chewing gum wrapper. Did folk step over it, did it get stuck to someones trolley wheel - all these things have been keeping me awake since then.

I phoned my auntie, who also used to suffer from 'damp' problems - we don't have a single photo of her in her 50's where she's not laughing and crossing her legs. After nearly having an asthma attack laughing at my predicament she told me that a) I would never be graceful and elegant - ladies who are would have had the operation to tighten said area and b) I should buy knickers with a wider gusset and tuck my trousers into my socks.

So there it is, just a simple day (my birthday actually) in my life. I told you STUFF happens.